It Won't Be Ok
by Number12grimauldplace
Summary: "I don't want to be here anymore.." Sirius is struggling to settle into his second year at Hogwarts after a miserable summer with his parents. WARNING: Graphic self harm, strong language, and mentions of suicide. Disclaimer: All rights go to JK Rowling (my queen)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: None of the characters, or places belong to me. All rights to JK Rowling**

 _Mr Black,_

 _Please meet me in my office immediately. Professor McGonagallwill excuse you. Password is 'Bertie Botts'._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Professor Dumbledore_

Surprised, Sirius glanced up from the note clutched in his hand. His friends, who had evidently been reading over his shoulder, gave him puzzled looks.

"What d'you reckon that's about?" Asked James. The four Marauders were halfway through a transfiguration lesson, and were sitting at the back, supposedly reading the textbook in front of them. A student had just arrived and handed Sirius the letter.

"No idea," replied Sirius. "Hope it's nothing too bad... you don't think he's found out about our prank on Snivelly?"

The others shook their heads. "We haven't even finished _planning_ yet, Sirius. No one could possibly know." Said Peter.

Sirius shrugged, and bit his lip, thinking. "Well?" Asked Remus. Sirius looked up.

"Are you gonna go or not?" Continued Remus. "It says immediately."

"Oh, yeah, right," replied Sirius, getting up of the stool. "I guess I'll see you guys later."

After showing the note to McGonagall,who noddedcrisply and excused him, Sirius made his way up to Dumbledore's office. Generally, he was a pretty confident person, but he couldn't help wondering what this was all about. He wasn't too stressed  
though,so he firmly stated " _Bertie Botts"_ to the Gargoyle, before walking up and knocking on the Headmaster's door.

* * *

Albus was pacing up and down in front of his desk, waitingfor young Mr Black to arrive. He had sent off a note requesting the child come to his office, and was expecting him any moment soon.

As if in perfect timing, a knock on the door was heard and Albus sat down at his desk before calling, "Come in."

The door opened and Sirius timidly walked in. His hair, as always, was long and flipped back, with a section half covering his left eye. He smiled nervously.

"Ah, Mr Black," started Albus, pleasantly. "Take a seat, if you will." Sirius obeyed.

"Now, I presume you're a little curious as to why you're here?" Albus continued.

Sirius nodded. "Yea-Yes, Sir."

Albus smiled. "Well, it's nothing for you to be worried about. It's just that it has come to my attention that you, well, you're not always feeling very comfortable at home. Is that right?" He kept his tone calm and laid back, but he was watching Sirius  
carefully.

The boy's brow furrowed. "Um..." He hesitated for a moment. "I'm, um, well... I don't understand. How do you mean?"

"I'm just a little concerned about how things are going at home. I understand your parents are - well, they're very important people. Do you ever feel like they don't spend very much time with you?"

Sirius, who had until then still been looking a little confused, relaxed a little and was quick to answer. "Oh, you know, they are quite - quite busy at times, but everything's fine. Sir."

"And do you ever feel a little lonely? Or pressured for any reason?"

"Not really, Sir. I mean, I have my.. I have my brother."

His voice wavered slightly, but he kept his face natural and remained looking seemingly unbothered. Albus, however, detected there was something Sirius was holding back - something more to the story.

"Ah, yes. Your brother Regulus! How's he settling in? I notice he was sorted into Slytherin..." Albus trailed off as he noticed Sirius bite his lip.

"Reggie - Regulus is fine. I expect. I mean, he seemed - he seemed happy to be with his house." There was a pause. "We haven't really spoken much since August."

"I see."

Sirius lowered his head, shuffling his shoes on the floor. Albus studied him carefully.

After quite a long time with nothing to be heard except the clock ticking on the wall, Sirius lifted his head. "Uh... is that all, Sir?" He asked politely.

"For now, Sirius, I think that'll be all. Yes. However, if you ever need to speak to somebody, I'm always free to talk to, or Professor McGonagall."

Sirius nodded, rising from his seat. "Yes, sir. Thanks."

"Good day, Mr Black."

And the boy left, leaving Albus alone with his thoughts.

* * *

 **Authors Note:** Hey everyone I'm back! Here's a brand new fic for you to enjoy :) sorry if this was a little slow moving, there will be more drama up next! **Reviews are *siriusly* appreciated, I read every one and will reply to as many as I can.** Next  
chapter

will be up ASAP :D

-Number12GrimauldPlace x


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius was upset.

After the somewhat awkward meeting with Dumbledore, Sirius had left quickly, walking to Charms. Realising he had left his bag in McGonagall's classroom, he turned on the spot and headed back down the corridor.

As the classroom was currently being used by some 6th year Ravenclaws and his seat was in use, Sirius' stuff had been collected by McGonagall and was sitting on her desk. As he hastily stuffed his parchment and quills into his rucksack, he noticed the transfiguration teacher watching him.

"Are you alright, Mr Black?" She asked gently.

"I'm fine, why...oh. Yes, I'm perfectly fine thankyou Miss." It dawned on Sirius that McGonagall new exactly why he had been called to Dumbledore's office. Looking away, Sirius packed up the rest of his things and said, "Well, thankyou Professor." And left without another word.

By the time all this was over, there was only 20 minutes left of his Charms class, and Sirius _really_ didn't feel in the mood to go back to his lesson. Instead, he went straight back to the Gryffindor common room, which was thankfully empty.  
He collapsed into his favourite arm chair in front of the fireplace, sighing heavily.

He couldn't take in what had just happened. It was bad enough with James getting on him about his family, but now bloody _Dumbledore_ as well! Sirius didn't need any help. He was feeling perfectly alright now he was back at Hogwarts. And he did _not_ need  
to be constantly reminded of the previous summer.

Suddenly feeling overwhelmed, Sirius curled up like a cat, and dozed off into what he had hoped would be a relaxing and peaceful sleep...

* * *

 _"Sirius Orion Black! Up! Get up!" A shrill screech carried up the stairs to Sirius, who jolted awake. "Hurry up!"_

 _Scrambling out of bed, Sirius ran down the stairs to his mother, the cold floorboards numbing his feet. "What have you got to say for yourself?" Walburga Black hissed. "Think you can get away with this, do you?"_

 _"I- I don't understand, Mother." Stuttered Sirius._

 _"Floors filthy! Portraits dusty! Plates dirty! Chandelier_ _**broken**_! I'm sick of it! You're a lazy piece of shit! Get your worthless arse out!"

 _Sirius made for the door, running up the stairs. "We have a bloody house elf!" He shouted. "It's not me!"_

 _"Wait until your father hears about this, you ungrateful little -"_

 _"Wait until I hear about what?" Sirius' heart stopped._

 _"_ _ **SIRIUS!"**_

* * *

"Sirius," A feint voice woke the boy. "Sirius? _Sirius!"_

Rubbing his eyes, Sirius sat up. Dazed, he looked around, noticing he was still in the common room, but now surrounded by the Marauders. Remus was shaking him gently.

"Where have you been?" Asked Peter.

"What?"

"Why didn't you come back to Charms? Surely Dumbledore wasn't telling you off for an hour?"

Sirius attempted a grin. "Oh, he, er - he wasn't telling me off." He replied lightheartedly.

Remus frowned. "What did he want then?"

Sirius swallowed. "Oh, um... it was nothing. Doesn't matter."

James' brow furrowed. "Are you alright mate? You were shaking and twitching just now, when we got back."

"Huh? Oh, I'm fine James. Thanks. Just a bad dream I think."

The other three boys seemingly accepted this and there was a quick change of subject. Sirius, a little withdrawn, was just glad he didn't have to answer any more questions.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey again! New chapter here as promised! Hope it was a little more exciting... I've got a very interesting plot planned, so keep reading! Reviews** ** _really_** **appreciated3**

 **\- Number12GrimauldPlace x**


	3. Chapter 3

Hogwarts was quiet. Despite it being October the30th, the night before Halloween, not a single student was out of their dorm. This month was always a tiring one, and after settling back into school, it seemed to everyone as if they'd never left

\- and both students and teachers could do with a break. Albus sat alone in his office, stroking Fawkes absently. He was exhausted, as one should expect, because being headmaster is of course very tiring. His to-do list was uncountable - he had to  
/review the teachers and their classes, he had to monitor Hagrid as gamekeeper, he had to ensure the Prefects were doing their jobs, he had meetings every other hour for one reason or another, and so much more. It really was wearing him out. But despite  
/all these things crammed into his mind, Albus could only think about one thing at the moment - and that was Sirius.

After his conversation with young Mr Black a few days previously, the headmaster couldn't shake the feeling there was more to the story - and he was worried. The boy - who had been unusually quiet during their meeting - had mentioned some slightly odd  
/things happening at home. Although he hadn't straight up told Albus that things weren't right, the observant headmaster had picked up some things. Sirius had hesitated several times before answering any questions, and had been strangely solemn when  
/mentioning Regulus, his brother. Albus could understand that the boys might have been a little shocked at being placed in the two houses with the most rivalry in the school, but... It was extremely puzzling the brothers hadn't spoken for two whole  
/months.

Dumbledore had met Walburga and Orion Black twice, many years ago. Both occassions had been at important Ministry meetings, and straight away Albus had gathered that they were seen as a very upper class family. In truth, they had seemed rather rude and  
/ungrateful, although he hadn't really had time to speak with them.

He wondered how the family had responded to Sirius' placing in Gryffindor. They were a very... traditional family, with views about muggles and muggleborns that Albus disagreed with with, but that wasn't to say they were unpleasant towards Gryffindors...  
/was it? Surely they wouldn't discriminate against a son with different qualities to them?

In order to find out more about Sirius' home life - which he felt he must do - Albus took out his wand and summoned some parchment and a quill. He wrote:

 _Minerva,_

 _Could you find time to speak with me tomorrow at 9:00 am? If I am correct in thinking you would be teaching a 6th year class, I'm sure Prefect Miss Wilkinson will be able to keep an eye on your students. Please come to my office._

 _Sincerly, and thanking you,_

 _Albus_

Folding the note up, he got up and handed the parchment to Fawkes, who took it before promptly taking off through the window to deliver. Albus, suddenly aware of the time, headed up the spiral stairs before collapsing into bed. It would be a long day  
/tomorrow.

* * *

Sirius woke up to a large spider dangling just centimeters above his nose, and the sound of James laughing. "Come on, Padfoot! Get up, you lazy flobberworm!"

"Coming, coming," replied Sirius. "Why are you so excited, huh? It's normally _me_ dragging _you_ out of bed."

There was a sigh from across the room. It was Remus, who was pulling on his robes. "Come on, Sirius... it's October 31st! James, calm down will you," said the mousy haired boy, "we've still got lessons all day."

"Yeah, it's not till tonight the fun actually starts." Called Peter, sticking his head through the door of the bathroom. "I can't wait for the feast!"

Sirius laughed. Of course. Halloween.

"You got any pranks up your sleeve, James?" He asked.

"Why do you ask such a question?!" Gasped James, acting offended. "Surely you don't think _I_ would ever commit the scandalous crime of _pranking_ anybody! After all, when would I get to _learn?_ "

The others laughed. "You sound like Rem!" Grinned Peter, before ducking as a pillow was chucked his direction.

"Shut up, Peter," yawned Remus. "I may have an interest in passing my OWLs,but at least I don't sing like a dying cat in the shower." He quipped.

Grinning, the four boys made their way down to breakfast. There weren't any decorations up in the Great Hall yet, but the excited atmosphere among the students showed they couldn't wait for the evening.

After helping himself to some cornflakes and orange juice, Sirius looked up after a nudge from Remus. "Why's McGonagall staring at you?" Murmured Remus. And he was right; the middle-aged witch was watching Sirius closely. When noticing the boys looking  
/back at her, she quickly turned her head, speaking with Dumbledore.

"Hey, Sirius, you never told us what Dumbledore wanted with you. What was it?" Asked James from the other side of the Gryffindor table. Sirius swallowed. He wanted to trust his friends, and he did, but he just didn't feel like speaking to anyone about  
/his meeting with the headmaster. It wasn't a big deal, anyway, the boy told himself.

"Oh, um.. You know, he wast just.. Just checking up on me. He wanted to ask about my parents." Sirius replied, deciding to share part of the truth.

James' eyes narrowed before softening. "Your parents... Sirius, is everything ok? You know, with your parents?" The other boys were watching him expectantly. They knew Sirius had a bit of a difficult relationship with his family, but they didn't know  
/the whole story... They barely knew half of it all.

"Oh yeah, it's cool," Sirius continued. "Nothing - nothing bad. Just something to do with the Ministry, I think."

Peter visibly relaxed, clearly buying Sirius' story. Remus and James, however, were still watching him. "Uh... Everything ok?" Asked Sirius nervously, uncomfortable with the attention.

"Yeah, yeah," Replied Remus, focusing back on his cereal - but Sirius noticed him share a puzzled glance with James first.

God, he hoped they wouldn't pry any further.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey again! I've tried to make this chappie a little longer and more detailed - hopefully there won't be as many mistakes as I've been able to type this on a computer, unlike my previous chapters. Please please review as I'd love to make this the best story I can write for you guys :)**

 **-Number12GrimauldPlace x**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Merlin. It's been a while! I'm so, so sorry I haven't managed to update until now... things have been manic in the real world. I am still really interested in continuing this fic, so hang in there and I'll keep writing. If you favourite and/or follow, you'll get notified when I update! *wink wink***

 **Anyway, here it is - enjoy!**

* * *

Minerva McGonagall glanced up at the clock. She was sitting at her desk at the front of her classroom, watching over her Sixth year Transfiguration students - whom, only being a year away from their N.E.W.T.s, were hard at work on a practice theory paper.  
Ah, how she wished every other class were as calm and focused as this one!

The ancient clock in the wall read 8:55. Minerva stood, causing several heads to rise. "I'm afraid I am needed elsewhere at the moment. I won't be too long, but for now, as Prefect, Miss Wilkinson will be responsible for any issues. Please continue with  
your test papers."

The students lowered their heads immediately and got back to work. As Minerva set out along the corridor, she wondered what the Headmaster was wanting to speak about. As far as she was aware, none of the unruly Gryffindors had caused too much trouble  
recently - although knowing some of the mischievous student's minds, she could never be too sure - so the middle-aged Professor really had no idea what she was being called for. It must be quite urgent, though, as she had been awakened by the chirping  
of Fawkes outside her window very late last night. Minerva hadn't had a chance to speak with Dumbledore during breakfast, so she was beginning to feel very curious.

As she neared Dumbledore's office and headed up the spiral staircase, Minerva heard the grand clock tower chime, far away - 9:00 am. The professor smiled a little to herself. Perfectly punctual as always.

"Password?" Croaked the gargoyle guarding the Headmaster's study.

"Pumpkin pasty."

The gargoyle sprang aside, allowing McGonagall to walk forwards. She straightened her hat, and rapped sharply on the door.

There was a pause, before she heard the old man's voice. "Come in."

Minerva twisted the handle and gently pushed open the door. Albus was sitting at his desk, and smiled up at her. "Minerva! Thankyou for taking the time to speak with me... Please, have a seat." He gestured to the chair opposite himself.

Minerva sat. "Why have you called me here, Albus?" She asked. "Is it one of my students again?"

Albus nodded, and Minerva sighed. "It's not Potter and Black again, is it? I've only had them in a weeks detention already."

Albus tilted his head to the side slightly before replying. "I'm afraid it is, actually... Mr Black. Although he's not in trouble this time."

Minerva frowned. She was fond of the boy, but knew he could be very devious, always pulling some sort of prank. "Is everything alright?" She asked.

"Well, last week, I spoke with Mrs Potter over the floo network." replied Albus. "Sirius was staying over at the Potter's household for part of the Summer, I believe, and Euphemia just wanted to notify me that young Mr Black might not be overly happy  
at his own home."

"How so?" Asked Minerva. She got along with the Potters quite well, and knew that Euphemia was a very caring mother. However, she had only met Mr and Mrs Black once, and had only spoken very briefly to them.

"Well, Euphemia mentioned that she had overheard James and Sirius speaking several times about life at Grimauld Place - which is where the Blacks live. She said she'd heard Sirius talk rather scathingly about his parents, and how glad he was to be away  
from them."

"Well, perhaps they'd just had an argument previously or something. We shouldn't jump to any conclusions, Albus." Interjected Minerva.

"Of course not, Minerva, of course we shouldn't. But, you know, as Headmaster, I felt the need to check on Sirius anyways, just to see what's going on. I spoke to him a few days ago."

"And? How did he seem?"

Albus paused, considering. "He didn't mention anything bad, really. He said that Walburga and Orion are often very busy so don't spend a lot of time with him, but he didn't seem overly bothered."

Minerva nodded, thinking.

"I did ask about Regulus, his brother. I'm sure you noticed he was sorted into Slytherin?"

McGonagall nodded. She had to admit, she had been a little surprised when the youngest member of the Black family had gone and sat in the wave of Green and Silver. She couldn't help but notice him hanging around with the older Slytherins in the corridors,  
and for a moment it always confused her before she realised it was indeed Regulus - the two Black children looked so similar.

"Yes, I noticed that - I suppose he takes after his parents. They were Slytherins, weren't they?"

Albus nodded. "So I asked Sirius how he felt about the placement of his brother, and - well, I was surprised to hear the two haven't spoken since mid-August."

The shock was evident as it spread across Minerva's face. From her experiences with Regulus, she could tell that, despite having a little more dignity compared to Sirius, the first year could be lively and chatty - much like his older brother. The fact  
that neither Black brother had spoken for months was puzzling to say the least.

Silence filled the headmaster's office as both of it's inhabitants sat, thinking. After a long pause, Minerva looked back up at Dumbledore.

"I'll look into it, shall I? Clearly something's going on here that we're unaware of," she said. "But... I'm not sure. Perhaps it would be best... if we didn't push it for now. Mr Black can be very secretive, and I don't want him to completely block us  
out, Albus."

The elderly man smiled grimly, and nodded. "Yes, I think that would be best, Minerva. Thankyou for your input." He gestured towards the door, dismissing her. "I'll let you get back to your students."

The Transfiguration professor nodded, arose from her chair, and left briskly without looking back.

* * *

Hogwarts was busy. Practically bursting with life. The sun was shining unexpectedly so, after a drizzly Autumn, the students were happily wandering around, enjoying the afternoon. A group of Hufflepuff first years were crowded by the lake, giggling when  
the giant squid would occasionally pop up. The Ravenclaw and Slytherin fifth years had formed some sort of mutual friendship through their study groups, and were sitting together on the grassy field sharing notes - although it was clear to see the  
difference between the two houses. One hand, you had the Ravenclaws, surrounded by books and papers, working slowly but steadily through piles and piles of work in an orderly fashion. On the other hand, there were the Slytherins - scattered about  
all over the place, sprawled under the patches of shade, laughing as they quizzed each other.

Not far from there, watching them, sat three boys - James, Peter and Remus. They, like everyone else, were overjoyed at the bright and warm afternoon, and had decided to relax under a shady oak tree. Much to Remus' annoyance, James and Peter had decided  
to take a break from their studying. James had allowed Peter to mess around with an old snitch they'd found in the first year, much to Peter's delight. The small boy was laughing in pleasure as the golden object fluttered around him, just out of his  
reach. James watched on, amused, but he was distracted - there hadn't been any sign of Sirius all afternoon.

"Where in Godric's damn Hollow could he _be?"_ Asked James for the hundredth time. It was a Saturday, so the students had only had lessons in the morning - but as soon as lunch was over, Sirius had scarpered without an explanation.

"Oh, give it a rest, would you, James?" Replied Remus. He flicked through _A Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2_ in a frustrated manner, before chucking the book on the grass and groaning. Peter looked up in surprise, and chuckled.

"Woah, Rem! What's up?" He asked, amused.

"I just - I can't - UGHH!" Moaned the mousy haired boy, ignoring the glances he was receiving from the fifth years nearby. "Why is everything so difficult?" He mumbled to no one in particular.

"Hey, come on now," replied James, "Your life isn't the WORST - I mean, look who you're sitting with! Possibly the most brilliant and handsome man in all of Hogwarts!" He puffed out his chest smugly, before grinning as Remus laughed weakly.

"But seriously, guys - _Siriusly -_ where is he?" Asked James again. He picked at some grass, before making up his mind. He stood up abruptly. "I'm going to find him." He declared.

"This isn't some sort of quest, James," sighed Peter. "I'm sure he's fine. Probably detention or something."

But James wasn't there to hear it. He'd already strode off, leaving a bemused Peter and Remus behind.

* * *

 **A/N: Woo! Finally finished this chapter :)) just a reminder I'm typing on my phone, so feel free to let me know in the reviews of any typos and I'll fix them up ASAP.**

 **Just wanted to let you guys know that, as this is set in the Marauder's second year, the four haven't found out about Remus' "furry little problem" yet, and therefore haven't transferred to animagi before - which is why I'm referring to the boys by their names, rather than Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot or Prongs.**

**Ayyy McGonagall in this chappie! Hope you enjoyed! Next one will be up ASAP**

 **-Number12GrimauldPlace x**


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